A is for ?

Usually I use my blog as kind of a mix between a travelogue, a journal, a book review collection, a teaching log, and a place to keep in touch with friends old and new. I also use it to think through things and rant and rave about what is wrong with society today. The following post is of the thinking out loud variety. Beware of the stream of consciousness that follows and the dangers there-in.*****Read at your own risk*****

Right now I have a day off tomorrow. Wahoo! Kind of. I used a lot of my teaching supplies during summer school, so I have to repack part of my room tomorrow. Then the rest of the day is mine.

Actually, this kind of unnerves me. I guess that I'm used to always having something to work on or towards. It's almost as if, when I'm not doing something, I'm not sure what to do or I'm guilty of sloth or some such thing. I was talking to Chatalita at a gathering tonight and she commented on such this fact. I'm always doing something. Being wise and discerning, she added "I never would have thought you a Type A personality until I saw your blog." Well, I had to emphatically agree. Although I really want to be laid back, I really am Type A. Being uptight about life isn't the most healthy thing in the world, but on the other hand it's hard for me not to work at something 24/7. I've always wanted to be a good teacher, so I work hard at it. I always wanted to get my master's, so I work hard at it. Sometimes, though, I fill my life so full of these things that I feel like I'm missing out on people and truly getting to know them. And really, when I get older, it's not these things that I'll care about as much as if I really got to touch the lives of people.

I've been thinking about this for a while now, because I really do seem to fill my life with events. They are all good events--School, Work, Coaching (which I guess is just another aspect of work), Church--but in certain ways it's interesting to think what would happen if I took a day just to be, to relax and have fun and chill out, or maybe just shook things up entirely.

Right now I'm so stable and I'm not sure if this is such a good thing. I love my job and they love me. I mean, I teach where I went to high school. I go to church in the same building that I went to nursery in, that I was baptized in. I'm enrolled in a master's program at a school that my school district will pay for part of. Yet.

Yet, sometimes I wonder what would happen if I changed things entirely.Moved randomly to a small town in the middle of Maine. Moved to a fishing village. To the mountains in Colorado. The coast of California. Utah? Federal Way? West Lafayette? Iowa. Sometimes I'm mad at Chillyfreetoes (Clone 2) for moving, and at other times I'm actually a bit jealous. (Not of her health problems, mind you, those still aren't looking the best.) But looking at pictures of her new condo that she and her husband are painting I don't know if I'm more jealous of the stability of not having to move every year, or the chance to change things up and start brand new. I started going to this single's branch right after I graduated from high school and then continued on and off for about 8 years now (with BYU mixed in for four of those). So now at 26 I just think. Hmmm. What if I went to a place where no one knew who I was, just who I am now? How would that be? Would I revert back to my Type A habits and fill up my life again?

For now, I think it's better just to stay put and work towards. I'm just going to keep going. So, tomorrow is packing my classroom. I have a workshop on Tuesday through Thursday and then a different one on Friday. On Sunday I leave for my sister Jen's house of a couple of days to help out and play with her and her children. I should be packing because at the end of July I'm moving to an apartment closer to school, but I think I'm going to take a day off just to relax.

Maybe one day next week.