Actually, I don't possess this. I'm not always sure what to do when someone bursts into tears. I've heard several gentleman call it an unfair weapon. In some ways, I agree. How do you react to someone's spontaneous overflow of emotion (that is not in poetic form)? In other ways, I disagree. Sometimes you just have to cry. The problem comes when you are not the crier.
I am someone who likes to be able to fix things. If a kid has trouble reading, I work with them until they can do it better. If a kid hates to read, I try to help them find at least one book or author that they like. The problem is, that you just can't fix everything.
Today, one of my girls came back from lunch having all of the obvious signs of just having sobbed and of one trying terribly hard not to keep sobbing. She tried to just go into my room and get back to business, but I sent her off to the bathroom and she went gratefully on her way. I tried to talk with her after a little bit, so that it wouldn't be too conspicuous, but really, I don't think I did any good. She wouldn't tell me anything. I tried to help her see the counselors, but they were all out on a conference. Nothing I could do seemed to help. I felt so, well, helpless.
I found myself in the same position with roommates all the time in college. There were those who wanted to be hugged and to be around people, and those who just didn't. Huggers beware. I've learned to back off, but sometimes it's hard to match someone's personality with what they would be most comfortable with when they're hurt or threatened. Sometimes you just want to help. Someday I will learn the art of consoling someone. Until then, I'll just keep trying to just do everything I know how.
3 comments:
I know nothing about consoling someone. I don't know why. I just sit/stand there feeling awkward.
Last week at church I was talking to someone about their calling and telling them what a good job they were doing and they were telling me that they were glad and then proceeded to tell me about how their life is going down the drain.
After she started crying, I realized that just standing there feeling awkward wasn't going to cut it this time. So I went in for the one armed "It's all right" hug.
Well her tale just got more and more sad until I felt obliged to go for the two armed, "I'm really sad for you, and I hope this makes you feel better" hug.
Why do I feel so awkward in situations like this?
It's not just as an adult. I clearly remember at girls camp one year, the girls in our ward and our leaders were sitting around the campfire talking.
We were all sharing experiences and testimonies and stuff and the girl beside me started crying while she told her tale of woe. There was no one sitting on the other side of her. So it was just me.
I felt SO awkward.
Finally a girl from the other side of our circle got up and moved her chair to the other side of this girl and let her cry on her shoulder.
How do I get over this?
I didn't ever cry at you did I? :) I made up for it when I was pregnant though--my sweet husband has never seen so many tears. He was good at dealing with me though--I would have told me to suck it up.
Anonymous: I think that the fact that you feel akward is terribly normal and I think you did the exact right thing in both situations. Sometimes it's just HARD.
Amyjane: Fear not. I was really thinking of Clone 2 and about three of my other roommates (most of them after your time). I don't remember you ever crying. I probably probably broke down on occasion, although I can only remember once and that involved someone baking and cleaning check and I tried really hard to make sure no one saw that (but I'm pretty sure you all did).
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