"Choose an Identity"

I was commenting on Miss Nemesis's blog and I saw the heading above my login. Quite an interesting thought from Blogspot.

Choose an identity. Hmm.... If I could choose what my identity actually was.

I always kind of wonder how I come off in real life. I know certain aspects of my personality, but if you wanted to do a character sketch of me I'm not sure I could help you out. Most things that come to mind are actions or value judgments. I apologize a lot. I smile a lot. I'm a bit socially akward or at least shy. Most of the time I'm fine when it comes to writing, but when it comes to talking I struggle. Especially with large groups.

As a teacher, I'm totally different. I'm confident and self-assured. At times, I think it's when I feel most comfortable. I love teaching. It gives me something to discuss and a forum to discuss it in. Sometimes I wish that I could be my teacher-self all the time. Other times, though, it's hard to negotiate with "role." I am the teacher. A position of authority. So I struggle with what that means regarding student interaction. I'm twenty-four (in five days I'll be 25), and they are fourteen through eighteen. We somewhat close in age. Now, I'm not meaning that I'm starting inappropriate talk or anything. Believe me. Really. On the other hand, I constantly am asking myself, "Is this okay to say?" Take religion for instance. Before class students were having a discussion about a friend that was investigating this religion that most people refer to as Mormonism. I pretty much kept quiet, just because I know that religion in schools can be a sticky subject (particularly in this community). That is, I kept quiet until they called it a cult. And then I felt the need to at least tell them a couple of things. Not preaching. Just setting the record straight. I was scared to death, though, that I was going to get called on the carpet. I'm always trying to negotiate my role.