Life Decisions

I have come to the conclusion that the people who say, "I really won't try to influence your decision one way or another," are actually the people most likely to influence your decision.

Can I blame them?

Yes. Yes I can.

I can't say that I wouldn't try the same thing under similar circumstances, but I can still blame them.

Here are the facts.

1. I may be moving to Utah. I am looking for new challenges, new friendships, new experiences. I have a certificate in Utah and I have my student teaching experience there. It is a way to be adventurous without actually having to leave the country.



2. I may be staying in Missouri. Turns out that new challenges are actually challenging. And they take some work. I really want to make the right decisions and originally, this is where I knew I was meant to be. That was also almost two years ago. Things change. Right? Maybe? Perhaps?

3. I may be moving to China. Really? No, not really, but I've considered it. I want adventure. I want change. I'm just not sure China is the right place for me to find it. Or pays enough for me to keep paying off my car and my students loan.

4. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I've prayed. I've fasted. I really just don't know. Now comes one of the most important parts of the equation where I just have to sit and wait. Patience? Me? Well, I'm going to have to get it quick. I really don't have to make a decision until March (which is fast approaching) or April (which is also, fast approaching). I've researched both. I've applied for jobs in both areas. I'm just not any closer to a decision than I was in November. Really, I'm up in the air and maybe I should learn to like it, because I'm figuring out that this is the way that life is for me a lot of the time. If I can't beat it, I should celebrate it. So, all may now rejoice!

5. No amount of cajoling will influence me one way or another. See point number 4. I really don't know what I'm doing. I don't. No amount of hypothetical situations will change that. This doesn't mean that I love people any more or less, it just means that I really don't know. I love you. I know you love me and that's why you're trying to get me to stay/go. But until then, let's just have fun!